discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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