i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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