the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
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