my mouth tastes like poor choices
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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