Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
this beer tastes like vomit already
fuck your aforementioned shoe
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
