I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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