I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
ok first of all what the fuck
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize