i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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