His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Why is your signature on my underwear?
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
