Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
