hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
