Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Randomize
