i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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