I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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