im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Randomize
