Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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