The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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