You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
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