I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Randomize
