Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
