I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
