I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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