Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
