i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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