I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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