I seem to have left my pride at pride
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
