The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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