i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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