I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
