Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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