ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
