I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
