my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
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