I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
