i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
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