Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
