tequila makes me forget i have legs
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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