I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
