dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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