there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
