Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
