The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
fuck your aforementioned shoe
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
