i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
