That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
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