I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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