at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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