you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
