I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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