I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
