He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
