Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
