I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Randomize
