did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
