Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
