K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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