We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
