Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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