did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
