Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
