All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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