you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
