The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
