32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
