I'm passing your future prison.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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