i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Randomize
