did you get engaged???
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
