Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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