I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
