I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
